The wrath of mom

Don’t you roll your eyes at me! Oh, you’re in big trouble, young man!

f Ralphie’s mom, “A Christmas Story”

There is no one in the world who can push your buttons more effectively and with more ease than your sweet little children. You know what I’m saying. Before I had kids I found the expression “you’re working on my last nerve” to be kind of odd. I just couldn’t relate. Now I have two sons. Now, not only can I relate, I can almost see that one last nerve, fraying and sending out sparks that threaten to touch off a conflagration that will only be extinguished after a lot of sound and fury.

When I overhear parents say that they’ve never lost their temper with their children, I snort (usually, but not always) to myself and shake my head. It is not possible to live closely with another human being and not lose it once in a while. Seriously.

I was very skilled at pushing my mother over the edge. To this day I’m thankful that my parents didn’t have a fondness for firearms. We did have a “spanking stick,” a fat dowel that my mom would figuratively hold over the heads of my brother and me (“I’m going to get the spanking stick.” “Do you want me to get the spanking stick?” “Am I going to have to get the spanking stick?”). However, I honestly don’t remember ever having our family’s disciplinary tool of choice applied to my butt. Hmm. Maybe I blocked it out?

My preferred method of dealing with a rampaging mother was to bolt out the back door. I knew that she wouldn’t chase me through the yard and that by the time I came back inside, hours later, if I did it right, she would have calmed down enough to just send me to my room and not shake me silly.

Still, it doesn't pay to underestimate the wrath of my mom. My two sons are bright except when it comes to knowing that I'm about to have a nuclear meltdown. Hell, even the dogs run and hide. But maybe it's a good thing that da boyz aren't cluing in. There's nothing like having to explain to them how to discern that I'm about to lose it to help relieve some of the pressure.